Where do I come from, and where do I go?

No, this isn't a new verse for 'Cotton-Eye Joe', though I tend to make references to that song a lot (Too many episodes of Mystery Science Theater: 3000, I suppose). I'm supposed to be introducing myself, so let's jump right in.

My name is Sheila, I'm 52 years old, and for most of my adult life, I've struggled with depression (varying degrees of severity), Bipolar II (thankfully mild, as such things go) and most recently as I age, increasingly severe issues with body image. I'm a survivor of childhood emotional and borderline physical abuse (my mother is Bipolar I, and would never take medication for it) and emotional and verbal abuse from various relationships. I might also have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and adult ADHD. these conditions have not yet been diagnosed.

I struggle daily with severe low self-esteem. I beat myself up over doing things that most people just shrug off and move on. Because of my self-esteem and body issues, I haven't had a relationship since 1999, and my last attempt at one was in 2002 (he ghosted on me for a month, then reappeared just as I moved on. I said no. I have at least some self respect). Mostly this is due to the aforementioned body image and self-esteem issues, though some of it too is I am just too afraid to try again.

My issues have affected my friendships (both in creating and maintaining them), my ability to find and keep conventional employment, my aspirations as a writer and artist (I tend to think that everything I do is fail and lose compared to everyone else's work) and i have abandoned enough projects to fill a library and art gallery.

I am not saying all this to whine. Whining is talking about your issues with no goal of bettering your situation or to attract sympathy and attention. A little whining now and then is okay. Sometimes, you just gotta vent. Maybe I'll set up a post on Wednesdays called 'Whining Wednesdays', hehe. My goal here though is to share my experiences so that those of you experiencing the same thing won't feel so alone, and offer suggestions, advice, and processes to get past it.

So. Tell me who YOU are, what you're dealing with. I won't judge.